You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize