I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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