I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
