go do what you do best...puke behind churches
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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