That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
