I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
