aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
