I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
