Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
