How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
