What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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