Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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