I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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