he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
