Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
