the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
