Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
