My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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