I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
