i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
