smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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