I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
