i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
