My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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