worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
