the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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