Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
