I cannot find my penis.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
