remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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