There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just found puke in my bra..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
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