The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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