Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You made out with two different species that night
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Who died my cat blue again?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
