I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
