I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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