woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
