I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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