I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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