I think im going to throw up on grandma
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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