Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
