My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
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if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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