Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
