Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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