You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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