Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
