i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Drunk is a universal language darling
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