Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
