ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.