Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Someone came in the potted fern
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.