I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.