Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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