I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
