My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
