I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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