Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
