they need to just BURY HIM!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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