The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
