So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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