I got chris browned last night
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
