It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
