I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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