I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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