ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
