I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
